One last glimpse ...

Our cute little same-sex cardinal family. <3


Matryoshka dolls, felted toadstool and toadstool treasure box.


One of several birds nesting in our tree. A pheasant friend.

I really adore our little Christmas tree. I'll be so sad to see it go. Without it our house seems so cold and bare. I couldn't resist showing you another glimpse before the needles drop.

When I was little, our family went through hard times but we always had a wonderful Christmas with or without gifts. My favorite part was always our Christmas tree. We couldn't afford ornaments and decorations, but each year, my Mom asked us to sacrifice a favorite small toy and she'd affix it to the branches with a twisty tie. Budget, right? We hated to give up one of our toys, but we knew it was for something important, therefore justified. I'd spend hours scrutinizing my choice, changing my mind, trying to decide which little trinket was most worthy. 10 years later, it was really something to see all of our old friends again. Cobra Commander, Glo Worms, Pound Puppies, Strawberry Shortcake, Lego people. In many ways, things are so much better now, but I think I'd still choose our childhood tree over any other.

Recipe Box: Crispy Roast Duck

"It's a beautiful duck. It really is. But you see, it's smiling at me."

After a craaaazy whirlwind of a week, I was pretty stoked to enjoy a quiet Christmas dinner at home with Kurt and the beebs. While Julia Child's Canard a l'Orange was just swell and all, we opted for a simpler duck recipe with less words to read, less stirring, less hovering. And you know what? I'll be darned if that bird didn't come out of the oven absolutely perfect. For once in my life, something remarkable was born from total laziness.

Crisp Roast Duck
Adapted from Gourmet - September 2006

1 5-6 lb. duck
2 cups boiling hot water
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp Herbs de Provence
2 small lemons, halved
4 whole garlic cloves, peeled
4 or 5 large carrots, halved length-wise

1. Put oven rack in middle position and preheat to 425°F.
2. Remove and discard excess fat from around your duck's tail and neck, then rinse duck inside and out. Prick duck's skin all over with a sharp fork. Fold neck skin under body, then put duck, breast side up, inside a 13-by-9-by-3-inch roasting pan.
   
3. Pour boiling-hot water over duck. (Watch as it's skin instantly tightens up like it's being sucked by a tiny invisible vacuum!) Cool duck, then pour out any water from cavity.
   
4. In the roasting pan, arrange a bed of carrots in a criss-crossed pattern. You want a platform tall enough to elevate the bird about an 1 1/2" off the pan. (I guess you could use a rack instead, but that means you wouldn't have all those delicious carrots caramelized in duck fat. Kurt's favorite thing, apparently, seeing how he devoured all of them.)
   
5. Pat duck dry inside and out, then rub duck inside and out with Herbs de Provence, kosher salt and pepper. Stuff the halved lemons and garlic cloves inside the duck's cavity.
6. Roast duck, breast side up, 45 minutes, then remove from oven. Carefully turn duck over using 2 wooden spoons, and roast 45 minutes more. Turn duck over again (breast side up). Continue to roast duck until skin is brown and crisp, about 45 minutes more (total roasting time: about 2 1/4 hours).
   
7. Transfer duck to a cutting board and let stand 15 minutes before carving.
   

*If you'd like, strain the solids from the fat in the bottom of the pan to use for later cooking adventures. (It's basically liquid gold - the perfect fat for frying potatoes or latkes, or in our case, brussels sprouts.) I'll also be using the scraps to make a pot of duck broth for our New Year's Day Hoppin' John. Waste not, want not!

A Tomte Christmas

So, here's the thing. Santa is lame. That's what I've recently concluded after comparing him to his much cooler Swedish counterpart, the Tomte.

The Tomte is a mythical creature in Scandinavian folklore who was initially believed to take care of farmer's animals and children and protect them from misfortune. Unlike Santa, he is portrayed as a dwarf - a wiseguy or prankster with a a penchant for animals (like Kurt!). He was also a shape shifter, incredibly strong and in some tales, a cyclops! He was benevolent and compassionate, but if crossed, his wrath was deadly.

Over the years, his reputation has improved, portraying him as a figure kind of like Santa. A realer Santa. Like instead of reindeer, he rides a goat. He lives in Greenland, or Lapland or something. Gifts are hand delivered, and he uses the front door instead of the chimney. He dresses like a farmer and is rather svelte - his belly does not shake like a bowl full of jelly. He's like the working man's Santa. I've heard other renditions as well. Some people say there is a Tomte living under the floorboards of their homes, and he comes out once a year on Christmas. In exchange for gifts, Tomte asks the children to tell him jokes or sing a song. When we have kids one day, how cute would it be to have a talent show for Tomte? Kurt could appear from the closet, wearing a gray beard, riding on Mule's back, demanding their best dance numbers.

Astrid Lindgren (author of Pippi Pongstocking) wrote two very adorable children's books, The Tomten and The Tomten and the Fox, chronicling Tomte's secret excursions into the night. He speaks a secret little language that only animals and children understand, and on a particular night in the dead of winter, he whispers promises of summer's eventual warmth and beauty in their cold ears. I like that.

Something random: See that little cabin in the photo? You put an incense log inside and the smoke comes out the chimney. Isn't that COOL? !!! I gave it to Kurt- an early Christmas present from the Tomte. Also, in case you were wondering, we did use dry ice to create the ominous mist around the cabin. Kurt works in a doctor's office, and they receive shipments of Botox packed in dry ice. He likes to bring it home in his lunch sack and surprise me with random, eerie vignettes around the house. Like, this one time, he put it in the toilet. I was fixing to have a heart attack when I opened the lid and discovered that our toilet bowl was a bubbling, smoking cauldron of mystery.

Christmas Craft: Homemade Candy Canes

Homemade cherry rainbow candy canes!

My friend Heather taught me how to make homemade candy canes. Ours are so quirky and delicious, hand-twisted into all sizes - fat and stubby, tall and spindly. I love them.

Have you ever wondered how they are made? It has never crossed my mind. Here's a little peek at how it works:

Heather's Candy Cane Recipe
(Adapted from CandyCaneFacts.com.)

3 cups sugar
1 teaspoon Peppermint flavoring (or whatever flavor you have on hand. We made pink and cream striped creme de menthe and rainbow striped cherry.)
1/2 cup water
3/4 cup light corn syrup
3/4 teaspoon food coloring
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
powdered sugar, for dusting
vegetable oil, for greasing pans and utensils
*You'll need a candy thermometer, latex gloves and a pair of tight-fitting knit gloves.

How-to:

*Make sure you have read the instructions before you start. Also, set out all your ingredients, measured out and ready to go. You'll want to move fast!

*Preheat your oven to 350 degrees before you start. If the candy starts to cool while you are forming the canes, it will break easily. No problem, just set your candy in the warm oven for a couple of minutes and it will become pliable again.

1. Combine sugar, water, syrup, and cream of tartar. Heat until the sugar is dissolved very fine (medium heat).
2. Bring to boil, but don't stir until it reaches 280 F.
3. Pour globs of mixture onto oiled sheet pans - you want a separate glob/pan for each stripe color. We made white the prominent color, so it was the larger portion.
4. Drip 1/2 tsp of flavoring on each pile and add the coloring to the non-white portions.
5. Put on your knit gloves and layer the latex gloves over them. The candy is hot and you don't want to burn yourself! Tight fitting knit gloves work best because your fingers have more freedom to move and work.
   
6. With an oiled Teflon or silicon spatula, gently lift the edges of the candy, folding it over itself a few times. Scrape it off the pan, and start working it with your hands. Like taffy, you stretch and pull and form it into ropes. The more you work it the lighter the color becomes, so if you are making white, you will have to work a little longer on the uncolored portion until it turns from yellow to white. However, if you are working on a colored section, don't pull it too much or the color will fade.
7. After you have formed 8" ropes of each desired color, it is time to form a log. Set the main color (in our case white, the largest section) on an oiled surface. Press the remaining colors onto each side of the log. When you press and rub the ropes with your hands, they should melt into one smooth log.
8. Working on one end, gently pull the candy outward, twisting to form the striped candy cane pattern. This part is a little tricky and takes a bit of hand strength. It's like you are jerking off an enormous candy dick, actually. Crass! I'm so crass! I'm sorry. But seriously.
   
9. When you have pulled a section of your desired thickness, cut the rope and shape into a cane. Set aside on a surface dusted with powdered sugar to keep the canes from sticking. Repeat this process until you run out of candy.
10. Allow your candy canes to set out overnight to cure before eating them. Otherwise, they will stick to your teeth.
    

*If your candy gets too cool at any time during this process, set it in the oven for a moment and it will become easier to work with.

Harold's special recipe: Salmon dog biscuits!

Little pastry chef, hard at work.

Harold has been slaving away, baking doggie Christmas cookies for all of his buddies. Together, we baked salmon-flavored dog biscuits. The tails have not stopped wagging.

Taste test.


The finished product!

It kind of bums us out that so many dog treats are filled with junk that is unhealthy for dogs, like flour, corn and soy products. We came up with these healthy cookies, made with salmon, oats, eggs and veggies. The cookies baked up nice and crisp and held shape well. Our beebs go wild for them. I'll be honest, I had a bite too. Not too bad! Like a really hard, unseasoned salmon croquette.

Mischievous Harold is notorious for sneaking my cooling Christmas cookies off the kitchen table. This time, he must have been stoked to find something there just for him!

Healthy Salmon Dog Cookies:
(Makes about 5 dozen 4" cookies)

1 15.oz can salmon, with juice
4 cups dry oatmeal
1/2 cup frozen green peas, thawed
1 carrot, shredded
3 eggs, shells and all
1/2 cup sesame seeds

In a food processor, grind 3 1/2 cups of oatmeal into a fine meal. Pour into separate bowl and set aside. Combine salmon (with juice), peas and carrots in food processor and puree. Incorporate eggs, shells and all. Pulse in ground oats. Scrape mixture into a large bowl and fold in remaining oats and sesame seeds. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Chill dough for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.

Sprinkle flour over a clean surface. Roll out dough with a floured rolling pin. Use a cookie cutter to cut out desired shapes or cut into squares. Bake for 30 minutes, or until browned and crisp. Cool on racks and store in an airtight container in the refrigerator. (These will also keep well in the freezer).

Warning: Although it was definitely worth the effort, our house smelled mighty fishy all day long! Prepare yourself.

Christmas Craft: Needle felted tree skirt and pillows!

My woodland themed needle felted tree skirt! <3>

I've been very busy cozying up our house for Christmas with lots of little projects and handmade decorations. There has been a major new development in my crafting repertoire. I learned how to needle felt! Well, "learn" is an overstatement - it is so easy, it will surely melt your brain. I'm terrible at sewing, but needle felting allowed me to make all my fabric related dreams come true without even picking up a needle. It's totally neat.

When I first read about needle felting, I honestly could not wrap my mind around how it worked. Then I watched some lady on YouTube wad up a ball of wool, stab the shit out of it with a needle, and like some sort of craft room voodoo magic, her sad little hair ball transformed into an incredibly cute, fuzzy owl. Just like that! You just poke a hair ball with a fancy needle. Shut up, no way, get out. But I promise, it works.


Annnnd! I made this little video to prove it! At first I was too embarrassed to show it to you, because you'll all find out how silly and awkward I am in real life. But who cares- it's time to blow this blogosphere wide open. I'm keeping it really real.

Whirly Bird How To from Squirrelly Turd on Vimeo.

Hrmm. I realize his video tutorial needs a little clarification, so here's some less giggly, less chattering instruction: Basically, you use a special barbed felting needle to push a top layer of wool or felt into deeper layers, manipulating the fabric's fiber and texture to create a design or shape. When you poke wool with the needle, the fibers kind of intertwine and stick together, creating a solid piece of fabric without sewing or glue. It is great for adding appliques to wool fabric. To make a 3D object, think of your needle as a chisel, and you are sculpting a ball of wool.

I was inspired by Swedish folk art.

How I did it:
To make my tree skirt and pillows, I used felt from the craft store. The vines, leaves and argyle details were done with yarn. I trimmed the skirt with ric-rac.

There is a simple tree skirt pattern here, and if you adore woodland creatures as much as I do, I've shared templates for my deer head and squirrel.

Materials:

• felting needles and multi-needle tool, found here
• foam sheeting (about 3-4" thick) or felting mat
• scissors
• felt (amount depends on size of appliques and pillow covers)
• shape templates for your design
• yarn or wool roving

How-to:

1. Using your templates, trace shapes onto felt and carefully cut them out.
2. Arrange shapes onto felt backdrop. With foam or mat underneath your felt, use a single needle to tack down shapes by poking them into the underlying layer of fabric. Start by tacking down the center and edges of the shapes, and work your way into the other areas.
3. Use a multi-needle tool to punch until the fibers transfer onto the other side of the felt and the applique is secure. A single needle works well for touch-ups and edges.
   
4. Finish by spritzing your work with water. Press with an iron on the wool setting. Viola!
   

Learn more:

Martha Stewart has a slew of awesome felting crafts.
Living Felt, for supplies, kits and wool.
So-cute-it-hurts felted critters on Etsy.

P.S.:

If that little video tutorial is a look into my present, could this be a look into my future?

Haha!

Dog Totem

I walked into the living room to discover this little dog totem pole. As always, Mule is not amused.

I'm baking salmon flavored Christmas cookies for our dogs today. One more nail in the coffin, assuring my fate as the annoying and psychotic dog owner.